I know what you’re thinking, “she’s not even that black, so what’s the problem?” Well, first of all, validating my cultural identity has been a battle my entire life so thank you for bringing that up! But yes, it is true, my ass is light skin as hell. 1. I’m anemic, and 2. I don’t go outside so I’m almost always rocking my palest complexion. Which is cool, I’ve come to terms with people making fun of how light I am. What I am not okay with, however, is white people comparing their skin tone to mine. Whenever they get an inkling of a tan, these charades are never-ending.
I honestly don’t even understand the excitement behind wanting skin comparable to a black person because you sure as hell don’t want the life of a black person. When you compare your ten-second tan to my skin you negate my entire lived experience and devalue it to something “pretty” and “trendy.”
We treat each other based on the way we physically present. I’m sure most of you reading this think I have it pretty easy having light skin. Yes, society holds it to a higher degree than dark skin, but it is also exhausting.
My skin colour is the most obvious determining factor in how I am judged and more often than not, means that I am being fetishized and devalued. If I am speaking to someone for the first time, it only takes about five minutes before I’m asked what I am as if I’ve lost all humanity because my ethnicity is confusing. If I do happen to share such information to get out of an awkward situation, I’m showered in comments of how exotic I am. Followed by my body type explained to me in relation to my ethnicity. As if my body type needs an explanation. Honestly, the comments vary but they’re almost always offensive.
On the other side of the spectrum, my skin leaves a question mark beside the authenticity of my race. I’m not a stereotypical representation of either culture that I share, I’m not American so I don’t fear for my life going outside, I have an active father in my life, I don’t speak in Ebonics, so how black can I really be? To the ignorant, I was the token black friend for white people afraid of race because I was safe and I didn’t make them feel different. To people of colour, I’ll never have a struggle as difficult as theirs. Systemic racism doesn’t affect me as harshly if anything I am “lucky.” But does that still give white people the right to treat my skin as a costume? To dance around with their arm against mine as if they have achieved something?
Maybe I’m not doing enough to reprimand people who do this to me. Maybe I shouldn’t be so afraid of confrontation or afraid of looking angry. But as much as I want to yell at people who show such a severe disregard for people’s feelings, I know that will never stop this from happening. I wish people would start questioning their actions before they pursue such antics.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
“Do I really want to make this person uncomfortable and treat their skin like a costume?”
“Do I really want to pretend racism doesn’t exist because in my head I look like a black person at the moment?”
Having white people show me the ways they are “blacker” than me is common. It’s something a lot of black people are used to, but it needs to stop. For those who see race as a performance, I think it should be remembered that is because race doesn’t affect you. My race is something I am proud of, but it is my greatest obstacle in terms of white bullshit. I’m tired of being tired, I’m tired of avoiding people or activities because they’re not worth the peace of mind. I’m tired of people wanting to be black without wanting to be black.
Can’t we all agree that life is so much better when you do less? It’s summer, kick back, grab a drink, enjoy the sun…but please stop.
