It has officially been a year since I graduated from university. I’ve finally stopped screaming at the horror of closing that chapter of my life. Mentally, I needed to graduate when I did, but I’m not sure I was emotionally ready. It took me a while to fully process what that door closing meant, but I’m ready to talk about it.
THE BAD STUFF
When I graduated I was beyond burnt out. I needed time to recover from the mental instability a university career puts on people. After probably too much rest and recovery and a whole lot of travelling, I found myself lost without structure. I went to university straight from high school at 17. Which means I’m more than comfortable with a higher power controlling both my schedule and intentions. Living without that has been hard, but it’s also been a very important tool in finding self-discipline and purpose in my life.
Finding out who you are without the structure of academia is difficult as is, but let’s not forget about the looming judgement of everyone around you. From the second I graduated I had people asking me “what’s next?” and all I wanted to do was poke them in the eye. People care more about judging and questioning your future than celebrating your successes. Which I get, people need a scale on which to judge you on but it is infuriating. When you share with these people that you don’t have it all figured out, that you’re taking a break to explore both the world and yourself their judgement and disappointment in your future is palatable. Ironically, the people with the highest expectations and the most to say are those who have never sought out or completed any form of higher education.
It’s aggravating, to say the least, to see those you thought cared for you judge you constantly for the life choices you begin making when you finally experience freedom. Especially when they are based on your mental health instead of career success but it is a harsh reality impossible to escape. People change, it is inevitable and this is your reminder that it’s okay to take a step back from toxic people to work on yourself.
THE GOOD STUFF
I don’t want to make it appear that graduating led me to a fiery pit of despair, good things actually did happen! Most importantly is that I kicked all the bad habits that came from that #unilife. For example, I stopped going to sleep at 3 AM and started sleeping more than five hours a night. I stopped stress vomiting and got to experience sunlight. I even dropped my coffee addiction and finally started drinking enough water. These seem like small things, but they are such gifts to my mental health that I actually feel like a normal person now.
The best part about life post-grad was being able to put time into me. I go to the gym, I read FOR FUN, I get to write silly things on this blog. Having time for things that allow me to escape myself other than binge-watching Locked Up at 2 AM is unbelievable. I travelled a lot, I got to experience solo-travelling which I believe everyone should do at least once. Ultimately, I was able to fall in love with myself and find ways to learn my worth.
THINGS TO REMEMBER
The most important thing I’ve learned post-grad is that success is not constant. I had this bizarre notion that once I graduated only good things would happen to me and that everything would figure itself out. I think I just watched A Different World a few too many times and had a false expectation for what life after graduation would be. It didn’t take much time to realize that there’s literally nothing special about you for graduating and life only works if you work it. While this was the hardest year of my life, it was also the most eye-opening. Sure, I travelled, got a job in my field and got accepted into my dream master’s program when I was ready. But I was also incredibly isolated, lost friends, and even myself. Success comes in waves and that’s okay.
I think what both shocked and disappointed me the most about graduating is how quickly people’s opinions of you change. Unless you’re constantly working yourself to the bone or living an Instagram-worthy life, you’re going to be disappointing someone. In order to be happy, you need to ignore people’s negative opinions of you, regardless of how well-intended they are. Your mental health matters. More than a job that makes you miserable, more than going down a path that appeases those around you instead of yourself, your mental health matters. If that means working outside of your field to give yourself time, or you don’t get your masters, do what’s best for your happiness.
If you live your truth and work hard, success will follow.
