I know that online relationships are often scoffed at as if the lack of physical contact mitigates the connection. However, I recently met someone IRL that I’ve spent the better part of eight years admiring. I can honestly say I’ve never been more grateful for the world I locked myself away in as a teenager.
Here’s A Little Backstory
Like your average emo teen, I was a big fan of Tumblr. It was an online diary, a place to find like-minded people, feed my Skins addiction, it was home. It was the place I learned to love myself. Anyone who knew me in high school knew that I was a depressed little baby. They probably thought it was annoying, which is fine. No one needs the burden of my chemical imbalances. But it was wonderful to go home at night and find people who cared. Who were body positive, intersectional feminists and unapologetically themselves. It took me a very long time to realize that it’s okay to be yourself. To learn how to celebrate the space you take up in the world.
The aforementioned friend that I met recently – her name is Andy and she is lovely. I honestly have no idea how I found her blog but I’m so lucky that I did. She’s older than me by a couple years but we have pretty similar personalities, practically the same body and the same taste in dudes (hello to the weird beard obsessed phase of our lives.)
What I love so much about Andy is her confidence. I have never met someone so honest in their skin and unapologetically themselves. Someone so okay with vulnerability and accepting of life. Even after all this time, I am still learning from the relationship she has with herself.
Through Andy, I was able to truly experience the body positive movement on the site. I fell in love with the fatshion hashtag and ultimately accepted that people who looked like me are allowed to experiment, feel attractive, allowed to feel love.
I was able to learn that fat isn’t a bad word
That there is value in my lived experiences. After spending my entire life trying to hide and make myself smaller, you have no idea what weight this community could lift.
Obviously, the website has changed with time and is no longer this beautiful safe space for vulnerability and connection but I have been able to find so many wonderful babes to love and support on this journey of self-acceptance.
When I look back at the person I was eight years ago, hell even four years ago it’s insane to think they were me. Sure, I’m smaller and prettier (cockier) but I don’t even think that matters anymore because I’m finally happy. I get to wake up every day with the greatest friends as my support system, a family I finally like and a body I am no longer ashamed of.
Eight years ago, I didn’t think I’d make it past seventeen
Now I’m twenty-two and a university graduate. I’m a well-ass travelled bitch and actually making plans for my future! I don’t think people realize how big of a deal that is, but it feels fucking amazing having the people who supported you at your worst still cheering you on when you’re finally rising above it all.
Adulting is probably one of the most stressful parts of my life, something I often avoid. But this past weekend has really given me a push to see where my feet will take me. I want to be exciting and risky, successful and confident. 14-year-old me was a chicken-shit, she was insecure and horrified of the world and I am so happy that I no longer recognize her. I don’t often look at my past, and when I do I’m really glad that I had a place like Tumblr to meet people like Andy who helped me grow into the person I am today.
So, as cheesy as this may seem, to any of my Tumblr mutuals, I love you because you helped me find myself.
