Like many I’m sure, I just graduated from university. Yup, I just signed up to be a full fledged adult and let’s face it, ya girl is not ready. Thankfully I actually liked University, I got to study something I’m not only good at but passionate about and it’s not going to leave me unemployed forever. While I genuinely enjoyed my time in school, I worked my ass off and put my sanity on the back burner. In my fourth and final year, I was doing six classes, working 30 hours a week at my retail job and I had an internship. I felt lucky when I had five hours of sleep and thought eating well-balanced meals was something I’d make time for later in life. All in all, I was a hot mess, but it was okay because I was exactly where I was supposed to be in life. Whatever mental breakdowns I had, or the fact that I could go a month without going home to do laundry (yes, my mother still does my laundry) didn’t matter because hey, I was getting the marks I wanted and I didn’t live at home. University gives us this breathing space to practice being an adult, our responsibilities are finite, supervision non-existent, and we have to learn time management. If you’re moving fast enough, you even trick yourself into thinking you’re a real adult. NEWS FLASH: YOU👏🏽 ARE 👏🏽NOT.👏🏽
After finally burning out right in time for graduation, I decided to push pause on my life for a while to catch up on all the self-care I missed out on these past four years. I thought this would be a reasonable decision to make… I was fixing my sleeping schedule, going to the gym and eating right. I was honestly just settling so many of my anxieties that were caused by the pressure of being a student. One would think that graduating with honours on time warrants taking two months off to focus on your health and to travel (I also went to Southeast Asia for a few weeks, it was unreal.) Nope, everyone lost their goddamn minds when I didn’t have an answer to the infamous “so what are you doing next” line of questioning about my future. No one wants to hear that you burnt out and need a little “me time” so you don’t explode, or that you have no idea what your future holds and no dire need to find out anytime soon. If you don’t have a job lined up or are enrolled to get your masters, suddenly you’re a leper and should feel immense shame. As if accepting that you need to move home to the suburbs isn’t humbling enough, you have people you don’t really know or care about judging your entire existence for putting your mental health first. Suddenly you’re an entitled child because you didn’t jump into something you’re not ready for.
As my two month break from life comes to an end and I’ve begun my job hunt, I still desire time away from all of this. There’s no how-to guide on how to ease into being an adult after four years away at university and I’m not going to feel shame for exploring my twenties instead of tying myself down to a path of preservation and predictability. I once had a mentor who told me that your career is a journey and never an endpoint, that I should enjoy the experiences I encounter and never expect to find my final career at the beginning. It should be a path I wander upon until I find what I want. So, I’m going to take that advice, I’m going to cherish my mental health, engage in active self-care and welcome the adventure that is my twenties because surprise, being an adult just means figuring it all out. While being able to explore myself and the world is a privileged notion, one I am grateful for, I’m not going to feel guilty about it. Besides, those who want instant answers to your life or their own are often the most miserable, so enjoy.
